Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
