We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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