ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
