whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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