thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Let's get the cat blown out
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize