On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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