I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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