If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
