I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
