I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
