I can tuck mytits in my pants
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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