this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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