I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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