I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
