Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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