Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
