Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
