Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
This girl is more easily done than said...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
