I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
