I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
