Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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