ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
All I want is dick and wine.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize