my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
