corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize