Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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