he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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