Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
