When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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