Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
