i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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