So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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