I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
