So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
