Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's not a walk of shame if you run
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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