I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize