You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
