I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
