the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
