you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
