Kareoke will never be a sober sport
4 words: hood of his car
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
