highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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