remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
