I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just forgot I was standing up.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize