I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
nutella sex= disaster
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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