he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
