Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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