I'm gonna have a badass scar
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
