he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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