so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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