bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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