6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
