You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
