is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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