I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
