All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
