Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
