xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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