well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
