Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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