I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
