There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
