You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
