it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
