I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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