I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize