Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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