She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
