I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My vagina is officially offended.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
