i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
im six kinds of drunk right now
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
40s are totally the cure
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
