I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
