TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
