My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
