I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize