I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
