Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
