He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
