i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
