Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
