The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
