I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
