I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
