Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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