sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
