apparently the secret to your success is patron
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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