guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
