So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
