Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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