I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my shit smells like andre
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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