if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
