There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
