Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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