my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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